the tangled web we weave

How do you write about love and judgment when all you want to do is do just that, love and judge? We were asked to write about what we have learned from the book Repenting of Religion by Gregory Boyd. We were to also include what has challenged me or has been sand paper on skin as Mark put it. I guess the thing that I learned or that stuck out to me is how easy it is to get caught up in the game of judging others. In general, I am not a very judgmental person. However, the judgment game shifts when certain things become personal. The sand paper on the skin is recognizing where I am weak and then working to not become the very thing I hate. Nobody likes to admit that they are not faultless or that they are capable of hurting others including those who may have already done harm to you or the people you love.
I find the intertwining of love and judgment so tangled in the church and in my life. I don’t want to be a part of the realm of judging others based upon what I see and what I personally believe to be good or evil. I have seen and experienced the negative effects personally. It is so easy to jump into the game of judging the “religious” or “Pharisees” but then I become just like them judging them against my own standards. I would rather love them unconditionally and celebrate in the triune fellowship with them. What I want to do is love but the more I desire this, the more I find I am not sure I know how to love. Paul got it right when he said that he wants to do right but then he does what he doesn’t want to do. I want to love like Jesus but due to my fallen nature I am a tangled web of love and judgment which are constantly fighting.
Trying to root out the judgments in my life is a learning process. I may never get it completely right but by His grace I know I am forgiven. I know I am in need of His unconditional love. I know His heart is for me to love Him and then to reflect His love unconditionally to the world. But how do you do that when your very nature screams to love and to condemn?
They say that you learn from experience. Based upon my experiences, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of judgment. And I know how it is to be on the receiving end of grace, mercy and love. When thinking about my life and knowing that love, grace and mercy have helped to mend my wounds and have allowed me to grow as a person, my desire to reflect God’s love, grace and mercy to others trumps the very desire to judge even the most accusing judgers.